she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
