I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
