So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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