If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
