ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
