You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
