YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
