i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
