these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
