first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
