I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
