Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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