I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
