I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
