idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
