We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
