Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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