Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
True college students do jello shots in the library
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
