Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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