Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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