i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
