Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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