im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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