she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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