Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
