Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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