Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
