ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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