this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
