I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
