Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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