I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
