I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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