Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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