giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
