I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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