apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize