I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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