Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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