He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
