She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
