Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
