Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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