wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My cat gives me a boner
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
