He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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