she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
