Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
