I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
