News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
