This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
