i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
