then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
