This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
