Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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