There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
