I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
