I cannot find my penis.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
