god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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