thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
