Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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