Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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