I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
