His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
