I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
