so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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