just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
